The importance of gratitude and leaning into one’s feelings on a weight loss journey.

By January 18, 2020Weight Loss Diary

I had planned to be in Mexico for Christmas 2018 and possibly the start of 2019 and when it did not happen, I decided to postpone the trip for a year.  However, as 2019 hurtled on, I realised that the trip was not going to happen.  To make up for it, I decided that I was going to work very hard and get rid of the last 8 – 10 lbs.  Odell (my personal trainer) was planning to go on holiday over that period, but I did not necessarily think that would be a problem as he was going to write up a plan for me which I planned to follow by the letter.  To cut a long story short, my gym visits fell by the wayside and with me eating steamed plantain almost every day and allowing brown rice and beans creeping back into my diet my weight was up 2.8lbs by the end of the Christmas period.

Odell and I after my workout on Thursday 16 January 2020: I arrived late which seemed to irritate Odell so he reduced all my breaks and crammed the workout into the remaining time. Arrgh!

I could feel myself putting on weight as my clothes began feeling very snug very quickly.  I was in denial and simply moved to more elasticated items and fabrics in my wardrobe that gave me more room.  It is funny how I have done this all my adult life as a YoYo dieter – i.e. descend into denial about obvious weight gain.  As usual most of the weight gain was around my belly.  When I returned to my training sessions with Odell, I hoped that he and others would not notice but then as I caught glances of myself in the mirror, I was pretty sure that Odell had noticed but was not going to point it out.  When we did eventually discuss it, Odell made a comment about me having taken my weight loss for granted.  He probably had a point. 

This photograph was taken in 2017 at Ascot with me weighing approximately 177 lbs – there is a link to this blog post in the paragraph below

It got me thinking about other times when I have gained weight tipping the scales in the wrong direction on my weight loss journey.  The last one was in 2017 when I ballooned back up to 177lbs. I wrote a blog post for Ascot which you can see by clicking the following link I spent 2016 very frustrated about plateauing at about 162 lbs and then the frustration and plateau then lead to a massive weight gain.  I remember looking back at my photographs of when I weighed 162 lbs with real longing and regret at how I had taken the progress to get to 162lbs for granted.  With the benefit of hindsight and from the vantage point of 177lbs  I could see that I looked good at 162 lbs.  I decided that going forward I would be grateful for every pound in weight that I lost and would refrain from beating myself up.  This has been easier said than done and I remain a work in. progress.

I also believe that one should not hide from one’s feelings and that leaning into our feelings can be a good thing.  I knew recently that I have been feeling disappointed in myself about my weight gain.  It was not until Odell and I had a chat at my PT session with him on Monday 13 January 2020 that I acknowledged my feelings.   This motivated me to cut down my starchy carbohydrates.  I’m still eating starchy carbohydrates – usually a whole sandwich from Subway for breakfast but only when I have had a hard workout.  I then avoid starchy carbohydrates for the rest of the day.  Eating like this during 2019 is what turned the corner and helped me to begin losing weight consistently.  I am also experimenting again with intermittent fasting.

Leaning into my feelings has made me realise that I do want to finish my weight loss journey and that I don’t need to be afraid of being a smaller sized African woman if that is what it will take to get rid of my muffin tops.  There is nothing in wanting to have a flat stomach.  This is something that I have been struggling with for months and I am still trying to analyse why it is such an issue for me.

Leaning into my feelings has also taught me to be grateful for the progress that I make.  I am pleased to say that my renewed dedication to the cause is already paying off and that I am back down to 138.6 lbs.

Until next time it’s

#NoToTheYoYo  #YesToAstableWeight #NoTimeToPauseForMenopause #YesToAstableHealthyWeight #Menologues #WeightLossJourney


Odell and I in quick selfie on Thursday 16 January 2020 after my workout


Author Julie

Lawyer (co-founding partner/solicitor of a legal aid practice), blogger, feminist, lover of fashion & beauty. I believe that there are two types of people - the living and the dead. Age has nothing to do with it.

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